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Another decade gone, and a new one just beginning. In my twenties, I thought that I was finally an adult and had life figured out. My thirties taught me otherwise; they humbled me.I learned that life was only just beginning.

 

This summer, as I move into my fourth decade on this rock, I would like to share some life lessons that I hope speak to my readers. Some may make you question my sanity, while others may be truths you are yearning to experience. Either way, I hope I get you thinking.

 

I hope I get you questioning,  because that, my darlings, is living.

 

Here are my forty life lessons from four decades of living.

 

For You:

 

1. For the love of God, be EXTRA! Own it.  Embrace it.  Cherish it. You are exactly who you are meant to be. If you have to tone yourself down for people, then they are not your people.
2. Ladies should be loud. Don’t let the world silence you.  Your voice is important.
3. You aren’t going to like everyone, and not everyone is going to like you. That is NORMAL!   That is okay.
4. “I don’t need no man!”  Was my motto at twenty to maintain my strong grip on feminism.  What I’ve learned is that I don’t “need” a man.  I want him.  More specifically, I want my partner.    He has become an extension of me, not a piece of me. He complements my life and enriches it; he does not complete me, because I am a complete individual.
5. Tell people you love them. ALL. THE.  TIME. Don’t be shy with it.
6. Don’t try to be perfect. It’s boring and impossible to accomplish. No one is perfect, and no one is meant to be.  
7. Accept your mistakes. They are lessons meant to guide you.  They make you human. We all make mistakes.
8. Confront shame.  People will try to shame you because they are insecure. If someone tries to shame you for something, own it.  They can’t take your truth, and they don’t deserve to judge it.
9. Get humble. Ego is nothing but stress.
10.  Self-care is not selfish. You cannot be okay for everyone around you if you are not okay inside or outside. Feel your feelings. Accept them, even when it’s hard. Then take care of yourself.
11. It’s okay to not be okay. It’s okay to ask for help. The people who love you will want to be there to help you, and sometimes you won’t even have to ask.
12. Be nice to yourself.  You are your harshest critic and often the most cruel when it comes to your faults.  If you wouldn’t let someone say something to you, don’t say it to yourself.

For the Moms:

 

13. Remember your name. You aren’t just Mom. That’s only one of your many titles.
14. Teach your children what respect is, for themselves and for others.
15. Accept that you are going to FUCK up— a lot. It’s okay. That’s life.
16. Apologize when you are wrong. It can be hard, but it’s so important.
17. Have the hard talks. As my mom used to say, “Don’t go asking your friends who think they know shit;come talk to me.”  Be that parent for your kids.
18. Don’t protect your children from pain. Let them feel it and be a safe space for them to heal.
19. Teach them not to take shit from others.  If someone’s being mean, they have a right to stand up for themselves. And if it continues, let them know that ‘Mama is gonna handle it.’
20. Show them who you are. Own all parts of you. They are watching and learning.
21. Parenthood doesn’t come with a guide.  You’re going to have to make it up as you go, just like every other parent who came before you.
22. Celebrate every moment, because they turn to memories too fast— then celebrate those, too.
23. Be embarrassing.  It builds character and gives them the freedom to be weird and think outside of the box.
24. Tell them you love them—all the time. Loudly. Obnoxiously. Quietly. Sweetly. This way, they will never question if it’s true.
25. Natural consequences are teaching moments.  They suck! You won’t like giving a “punishment,” but boundaries are key.  
26. You are not your child’s friend. You are their parent.

For the Friends and  Partners:

 

27. The friends who have your back aren’t just friends. They are your chosen family. They will always be there, even when they are far away.
28. Be protective of them and let them be protective of you.  
29. True friends have your best interests at heart, even when they may seem mean at times. Remember, they often know you best. And they certainly know your worth.
30. If you and your friend are confused for being partners,that’s your platonic soul mate.  
31. Be obnoxious together. Act like no one in the world matters but that person, be they friend and partner.
32. Laugh. Laugh all the damn time.
33. Share your darkest fears and shame.  Your friends and partner will be there to catch you, I promise.  They’re going to help you fight all of it.  
34. Get to know their love language and show them yours.  
35. CELEBRATE THEM. Those are your people!  
36. Stake your claim (but not in a creepy  way).  They are your friend or partner. Show them that you are proud to know them!
37. Make time for them— meal time. Go on trips, have lunches together, enjoy a movie day.  Both of you need this time; and life can wait.

For You at the End of the Day:

 

38. Be brave.  Sometimes we hold ourselves back from a trip, an activity, or an event. STOP! Go do it! Save the money, build the courage, find someone to go with—but do it! You will regret it if you don’t.
39. Don’t wait for life to slow down. It won’t.  You are in charge of your life and the memories you make.  Make them ones that you want to keep, because if you don’t, then you will only have regrets.

40. LET YOUR FREAK FLAG FLY! I cannot stress it enough: BE YOU. Own it every single day of your life.  The confidence it brings makes this world easier to navigate and creates that family village we all crave.  

Oh, and one extra bit of advice:  be that hot boss bitch you know is inside of you. Let that version of you out so she can run free. She’s going to take you places.

 

Life hasn’t been a walk in the park, and I highly doubt that it will start being one going forward.  In my twenties, I was a hot mess, dealing with an undiagnosed anxiety disorder that made me feel crazy even in my sane moments. My thirties allowed  me to figure things out a little bit then gave me new anxieties from being a parent and partner. Over the past few years, I’ve probably started to slide into that “midlife crisis” phase, but that’s not really what it is, is it?

 

In our forties, we aren’t having a midlife crisis—we are finally hitting a stage of acknowledgement within ourselves. At twenty, we were broke and clueless. At thirty, family dominated the landscape of our lives.  And now, at forty?

Well, now we may have a little extra cash, feel a little more comfortable in our own skin, and realize that we spent a lot of years being scared of doing or saying the wrong things.

 

Forty isn’t a midlife crisis; it’s a reminder that you have a name—your name.  You are more than an employee, wife, mother, pet-mom, daughter, friend—and the list goes on.

 

You are you.

 

And being you is pretty damn cool. I hope that forty is going to show me who Kaie is even more. I think she’s changed and grown over the years.

 

It’ll be a great decade to spend with her, with the people who she loves most, and with those who love her most.

 

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Just one more thing, I promise!  If anyone is interested in joining a fantastic team in which to explore your creativity, check on out the QR code below.  Basic Studios is hiring!  We would love to have you with us!