Asexuality and aromanticism are both broad spectrums that encompass multiple sub-orientations, and they don’t necessarily exist together. For instance, I’m demisexual, a subset of asexuality that means I only experience sexual attraction toward people with whom I have formed a strong emotional connection. However, I’m also alloromantic—I experience romantic attraction, even if I don’t always recognize it for what it is, which aligns with the nebularomantic experience. I also identify as a sex-willing asexual because, simply put, sex can be enjoyable. For me, attraction is not a prerequisite for enjoyment. More recently, I have begun exploring the possibility that I may be abrosexual, a term used by people whose sexual orientation fluctuates over time.

My experiences, while not necessarily unique, may not be typical of the ace or aro experience. Then again, what is a “typical” experience when navigating sexual and romantic orientations?

That question sits at the heart of asexual and aromantic identities. Despite growing visibility during Pride Month and within the LGBTQIAA+ community, many people still assume that attraction functions the same way for everyone, or mistakenly believe that the “A” in the acronym stands for “Ally.” We are often taught that romantic and sexual attraction are inseparable—that falling in love naturally leads to sexual desire and vice versa. Yet for millions of people, those assumptions simply do not reflect reality.

Understanding Asexuality

At its most basic level, asexuality refers to experiencing little or no sexual attraction. However, that definition only scratches the surface. Asexuality exists on a spectrum, often referred to as the ace spectrum, and encompasses a wide variety of experiences and identities. According to The Trevor Project, asexuality is an umbrella term that includes individuals who experience little or no sexual attraction, as well as those who experience attraction only under specific circumstances. The organization emphasizes that ace people can and do form meaningful relationships, whether romantic, platonic, queerplatonic, or otherwise.

Many people are surprised to learn that being asexual does not necessarily mean being celibate, abstinent, or uninterested in pursuing relationships. Asexuality describes attraction, not behavior. Some asexual people choose to have sex, some do not. Some desire romantic relationships, while others do not. Some are married and have children. Others prefer singlehood. There is no single “ace experience.”

The ace spectrum includes identities such as:

• Demisexual: Experiencing sexual attraction only after developing a strong emotional bond.
• Graysexual: Experiencing sexual attraction rarely or under limited circumstances.
• Aceflux: Experiencing fluctuations in sexual attraction over time.
• Reciprosexual: Experiencing attraction only after learning someone is attracted to them.

Research published in The Journal of Sex Research demonstrates that asexual, graysexual, and demisexual individuals often have distinct experiences regarding attraction, relationships, and identity, highlighting the diversity that exists within the ace community itself.

Understanding Aromanticism

Aromanticism, often shortened to “aro,” refers to experiencing little or no romantic attraction. Like asexuality, aromanticism exists on a spectrum. Some aromantic individuals never experience romantic attraction. Others may experience it rarely, under specific conditions, or with varying intensity throughout their lives.

For many people, the concept of romantic attraction is harder to separate from sexual attraction because popular culture often treats them as the same thing. Movies, books, television shows, and even children’s stories frequently present romantic partnership as a universal goal. The expectation that everyone will eventually meet “the one” can make aromantic individuals feel invisible or misunderstood.

Yet aromantic people are fully capable of deep emotional connections. Friendships, family relationships, queerplatonic partnerships, and community bonds can all hold profound significance. An aromantic person is not necessarily lonely, cold, or incapable of expressing love. They simply may not experience romantic attraction in the way society expects.

Sexual and Romantic

Attraction Are Different

One of the most important concepts within both the ace and aro communities is the recognition that sexual and romantic attraction are separate experiences.

A person can be:

• Asexual and alloromantic.
• Aromantic and allosexual.
• Aromantic and asexual.
• Demisexual and demiromantic.
• Any number of combinations in between.

For me, discovering this distinction was transformative. Growing up, I understood sexual orientation only through the framework that mainstream culture provided. If you experienced attraction, you dated. If you dated, you eventually wanted sex. The reality was far more nuanced.

Research suggests that mismatches between romantic and sexual orientation are more common than many people realize. While these experiences are often overlooked in mainstream conversations about sexuality, they demonstrate that attraction cannot always be neatly categorized.

Understanding this distinction also helps explain why labels such as demisexual, grayromantic, or nebularomantic resonate with some people. These terms are not attempts to create unnecessary categories. Rather, they provide language for experiences that have historically lacked visibility.

Why Visibility Matters

Asexual and aromantic people have long existed, but visibility remains a challenge.

Many ace and aro individuals report spending years believing they were “late bloomers,” broken, emotionally unavailable, or somehow failing to meet social expectations. Without language to describe their experiences, it can be difficult for aromantic and asexual people to recognize that they are not alone.

Research on LGBTQ+ youth conducted by The Trevor Project found that approximately one in ten LGBTQ+ young people identified somewhere on the ace spectrum. Despite these numbers, ace identities remain underrepresented in both academic research and public discourse.

This lack of representation can have real consequences. When people never see themselves reflected in media, educational materials, or community discussions, self-understanding becomes more difficult. Visibility is not about forcing labels onto people; it is about ensuring that individuals who need those labels can find them.

Pride Month plays an important role in this process. While discussions often focus on sexual orientation and gender identity in more familiar forms, Pride also creates space for lesser-known identities and experiences. Every time an ace or aro person shares their story, they help expand public understanding of what human attraction—and the absence of attraction—can look like.

There Is No Right Way to Be Ace or Aro

Perhaps the most important thing to understand about asexuality and aromanticism is that there is no checklist.

• You can be asexual and enjoy sex.
• You can be aromantic and enjoy dating.
• You can be asexual and desperately want a romantic relationship.
• You can be aromantic and have a vibrant sexual life.
• You can discover these identities at sixteen or sixty.
• You can embrace a label wholeheartedly, or you can treat it as a tool that helps you understand yourself right now.

Human identity is messy. Attraction is messy. Language evolves because our understanding of ourselves evolves.

As Pride Month reminds us, diversity within the LGBTQIAA+ community extends far beyond what is immediately visible. Ace and aro people challenge assumptions about attraction, relationships, and fulfillment. Their experiences remind us that there is no universal blueprint for living a meaningful life.

And maybe that is the point. The goal is not to fit neatly into a predefined category. The goal is to understand ourselves a little better than we did yesterday and to create space for others to do the same.

For some people, that journey leads toward asexuality. For others, aromanticism. For many, it leads somewhere in between. All of those experiences are valid, worthy of recognition, and deserving of celebration—not just during Pride Month, but every month of the year.